Fairy Tail Rants
by Creator of Raava
Summary: Rants about characters in Fairy Tail. My thoughts on characters and fics they're in.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This is my first Fairy Tail fic and first rant. Flames fuel my soul so bring it on.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Fairy Tail or Gray would be mine.

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 **Lucy Heartfilia**

Where can I even begin? I like Lucy, she's a decent girl but I hate how fanfiction portrays her. But before I get into that, there are a few things that I have to point out. Nastu always seems to save her. I mean like seriously, even without her keys Lucy is pretty damn strong. But she always relies on her keys. I mean you can Urano Metria the enemy's ass and bam! He goes crying back to his mommy. But she doesn't do that, which makes me pause the show, get up and scream and the time where I'm screaming for her to use Urano Metria, she does but it was dispelled by bloody Raven Tail! I hate how Lucy is fan service, I mean a talented wizard such as herself shouldn't be subjected to such demeaning things. I mean other girls are fan service but since she's the main character it is a point to make her boobs show in every battle where her clothing suddenly rip. Does it happen to anyone else to the point of showing boobs. Nope. They show their boobs willingly i.e. Seduction Armor, Satan Soul, and swimsuit competitions in the GMG with every girl participating. But this is what you're all waiting for, at least I hope, Lucy in fanfiction! First comes, (drumroll) Evil Lisanna. Kill me now! How, bitch, how? Natsu, Gray, and Erza aren't like that and it should be a sin to think someone as sweet as Lisanna could be a complete bitch to Lucy. How can Lucy be a replacement on Team Natsu when it didn't even exist without her? Plot hole and a half but more importantly Lucy doesn't even stand up for herself! She cries and asks to leave the guild so she can train. Training is cool but if that was me I wouldn't leave the guild, I would stay and give them hell. The thing is when I read a few stories I was expecting her to learn more celestial wizard spells like Urano Metria and Gottfried but no, she meets a dragon who takes her to their queen which so happens to be Layla, Lucy's dead mother who has some excuse saying I faked my death to return to the dragon realm. Why not take Lucy with you? No explanation. She then trains in dragon slayer magic, every element, and goes back to the guild after years and kick everyone's asses. Even good ol' Gramps. If not only dragon slaying, then every magic in the Universe. What I don't get is why she needs dragon slaying magic to be powerful, regular magics such as Requip, Takeover Magic: Satan Soul, Crash Magic, and Titan Magic have been shown to beat dragon slayers. Same thing when it comes to every magic in the world, mages with only one magic have shown to be incredibly powerful. This is what I like about Lucy, she's the main character and isn't overpowered. Evil Lisanna fics just ruin Lucy and make her the ultimate Mary Sue. Second is, (drumroll), ships. You get a Lucy, you get a Lucy, everybody gets a Lucy because she is _bloody shipped with everybody_! NaLu makes sense. GrayLu, not so much because the relationship has been shown to be completely platonic. LoLu, Loke flirts with everyone so it doesn't really count, plus a spirit and a human can't work out. Loke just does that to rile up Lucy, he loves her as a friend. Lullal is garbage. Jellal and Lucy don't like each other, only as acquaintances. Whoever ships this better run but Erza's coming in with her Heaven's Wheel Armor. LaLu. Has Laxus and Lucy ever spoken before? StingLu. It's because their blonde like LaLu. But seriously, I don't think Sting knows Lucy even exist. RoLu, because if Sting gets Lucy, then so does Rogue. GaLu. Dafuq. I am currently ripping out my eyeballs. FreeLu, I read a fic about it and then died. For everyone else I missed, no and for the girls no because they're either her enemies or familial. But you can ship whatever you want to ship, that ain't my business though (Kermit voice). Third is, (drumroll), rape or kidnapping. She can reach for her keys and summon a spirit and if she doesn't have her keys pull out Urano Metria. If for some reason she can't do that, a certain lion is opening his gate by himself because spirits can sense when their master is in trouble so Loke, being the strongest, can force open his gate and pummel the rapist/kidnapper. Writers, why you no think about this (Russian accent)?!

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 **A/N:** So how was that? Please review and send suggestions of who to write a rant about. Also check out my profile to see the shows I watch and PM and idea for a fic, preferably one-shots.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** I am so grateful for the reviews and followers.

 **A shout out to:  
**

 **LaughingKitsune-This chapter is for you.  
**

 **Guest-The next chapter is Lisanna.  
**

 **justaguy35- Thanks I'm glad that I could address Lucy so well.  
**

 **Shiroyamimaru- I will do Natsu after Lisanna. Thanks for following and favoriting.**

 **Melodyjumper0136- Thanks for the review and I will try do to Erza, Elfman, and Mira in that order after Natsu.**

 **Rare Possum- Thank you for following.**

I have the next five chapters planned in order of reviews. If you review soon with a suggestion that chapter will get posted before others who review after you but suggestions should be on a break until the Elfman chapter.

 **Disclaimer:** I wish I owned Fairy Tail but sadly I don't./span/p

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Ichiya Vandalay Kotobuki

Wow. Now **that's** a name. It kind of sounds like a gangster name if you ask me and he already has the Trimens to do his dirty work. So I know people find him annoying but I like him. I mean the advances on Erza when she shows clear disgust is annoying and the on-going saying of "Mennnn" and parfum. I mean pick one because when you say "Mennnn" I start thinking that you're ripping off Elfman's word. At least say in loud with some backbone instead of being soft because being soft isn't MANLY. I also like Ichiya's magic because it's unique and I couldn't have thought of something like perfume magic which has an infinite amount of possibilities when it comes to scents. I also like his armpit scent because mine smell really badly when I don't put on deodorant so I can relate. DON'T JUDGE ME! I LOVED the tag battles with Ichiya and Nichiya vs. Bacchus and Rocker but someone pointed out not to underestimate Ichiya because he's Blue Pegasus' strongest Mage and that made me feel really warm and fuzzy inside. It was so amazing for Ichiya to be acknowledged as not just an annoying side character and comic relief but a powerful mage. It really redeemed his character ever since the Oracion Seis Arc where he was captured easily. I think I felt great because Blue Pegasus is so close to Fairy Tail since Master Bob was once a Fairy Tail mage. But it was mad awkward when Eve and Rufus were battling and Rufus projected the memory of Ichiya in the bath with wine and I was like "Oookkkkaaaaayyyy". Like back the fuck up. What the hell did I just see. Hibiki and Ren literally had their eyes popping out. Also in fanfiction, people tend to write about Jellal fighting Ichiya if he hits on Erza just for humor because Erza is his. I mean like no offense to Jellal or anything but when he gets the balls to ask out Erza without being a shy heap of nonsense and emo girl on their period, talk to me about fighting Ichiya. Ichiya is way too cool and awesome for all the hate and garbage fans put him through. Like bitch please, talk to me when you've reached Ichiya's level of awesomeness. Instead of trash talking a character with no valid reason to hate why don't you just appreciate the rare moments that get to shine.

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 **A/N:** I hope you enjoyed that. The next chapter will be Lisanna.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** This chapter is going to be super long so sit back, relax, grab some popcorn (hell even I'm eating popcorn while writing this), and enjoy.

 **A shout out to:**

 **SirGonen, CaliTues, Jalis, Guest, Navek, Powwo, RandomWaffle5505, Goffbey, Zaffod Scotsman, SulliMike23, Teh Awesome BeastMODE6, Benny Bousche, chaosphoenix123, and Viperhat (I totally agree with you about Gray) for reviewing, favoriting, or following.**

 **Disclaimer:** If I owned Fairy Tail I would create a real place just like that.

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 **Lisanna Strauss**

She is one of the most underrated characters ever and the most hated for no reason. Please explain to me how the fuck she gets in the way of NaLu because I'm still confused about that. Fans and their paranoid imaginations though. I don't remember when Lisanna said to Lucy "Back off. Natsu's mine". The only time I see her hugging Natsu is when she came back from Edolas and she was also hugging Happy. I'm pretty sure you would hug your two closest friends after being sucked into a strange world and losing hope of ever returning to your home but you did. She also hugged Elfman and Mirajane because she didn't come back mainly for the purpose of interfering with NaLu but for her family. I'm pretty sure that Lisanna hugged other guild members when she came back. You saw that before all of Magnolia was suck into the Anima, Mira and Elfman went to see her grave and were crying which foreshadowed something with Lisanna that will help them get over their sadness. It just happened that that something was Lisanna herself.

I loved her in the Tenrou Island Arc because she was fighting but her fight with Erza was horrible. I mean Juvia was once an S-Class mage and Lisanna is proficient in her magic so they could've put up more of a fight. Lisanna should have more spells like how Mirajane uses her Takeover: Satan Soul with different spells with it like energy blasts. At least Elfman has increase speed, smell, and strength. Lisanna, Levy, and Cana had an awesome fight against Kain Hikaru with Cana and Levy releasing Fire and Death Cards and Solid Script: Storm which Levy caught in her Animal Soul: Wings and used a Triple Unison Raid against Kain. Tell me not that that wasn't awesome because it was. That fight was better than Team Natsu and Laxus vs. Hades. That whole fight with the Seven Dragons was garbage because Lisanna could have used her takeover to turn into one of the dragons and beat some people and dragons up. People like to underestimate Lisanna but they couldn't even stand in a fight against her.

Now onto the subject of NaLi. I like it way more than Nalu just because it was cute seeing Natsu blush and Nalu didn't get proper development. Out of the blue Natsu started to sneak into Lucy's room without even knowing her, I mean she could've been a psycho. I ship Natsu and Lisanna as children and if you didn't think Natsu and Lisanna's relationship wasn't kawaii as fuck then you my friend, are in denial. Natsu isn't saying "You're weak Lucy. Get the fuck out of here. Lisanna is better than you and we like her better. Hope you understand" and then walk away grinning any time soon. This is not the way to write a NaLi fic. We're supposed to feel the passion of the ship and not hate the characters.

I'm just going to get straight to the point now. At least try not to make Evil Lisanna fics so cliché. Lucy gets kicked out of Team Natsu/the whole guild ignoring her for two months except for Gajeel, Juvia, Wendy, and the Exceeds/getting kicked out for hurting or killing a member, cries and leaves the guild, trains and meets a dragon or the ghost of her dead mother and learn every element in Dragon Slaying Magic because she in the Dragon Princess/learning every magic in the world, joins Sabertooth for revenge/gets straight to the revenge part by beating everyone/forming her own guild of overpowered Mary Sues and beating every guild in the Grand Magic Games, and a happy ending for her.

I now present to you the most clichéd of Fairy Tail fics: Evil Lisanna *shudders*

 **Bold=My commentary**

Example Number 1: Lone Dragon

(Lucy's POV)

I woke up and got dressed and then headed to the guild. The guild has been ignoring me for five months ever since Lisanna came back **(because ever since Lisanna came back the S-Class Promotional Trial was disregarded. I'm sure Cana's not pissed *sarcasm*)**. I opened the doors and headed towards Mira. "One strawberry milkshake please, " I asked **(because in every fic Lucy is drinking a strawberry milkshake even though I've never seen it in the anime. Strawberries are Erza's thing)**. "Here you go," said Mira. "Thanks". Mira, Levy, Juvia, Gajeel, Wendy, and the Exceeds are the only ones not ignoring me. I see Natsu walking up to me with Lisanna clinging onto him.

"Um, hey Lucy Erza and I agreed **(I can never make Gray evil)** that Lisanna should join Team Natsu," beamed Natsu.

"Sure" I replied.

"What we mean is that you're kicked out of Team Natsu," exclaimed Natsu smiling **(he isn't a cold hearted bastard)**.

"You can do solo missions and get stronger," said Erza **(Erza doesn't betray her nakama, that's her whole power. Plus, if solo missions made you so strong then shouldn't everybody be doing them?)**.

"Oh, sure. That's fine," I replied **(Lucy isn't a submissive freak)**. I'm trying to hold back the tears but I can't, they keep coming. I run straight to my apartment and pack and somehow get my guild emblem off. I head to Magnolia train station and just buy a ticket and keep going. I eventually land in a forest **(here it gets good *sarcasm*)**. I hear a noise.

"Who's there," I shouted. I see a big red object, a DRAGON!

"You're Layla's daughter aren't you? My name is Igneel," **(because Igneel would just waste seven years in a forest instead of being with Natsu)**.

"How did you know," I shouted.

"Because I am the Dragon Queen, and you my daughter are the Dragon Princess," said Layla's spirit **(Holy Jesus, the amount of logic defied is** _ **TOO**_ **much)**. "Now let us go to the Dragon Realm for you to master all forms of Dragon Slaying Magic". **(Dragon Slaying Magic, the most powerful magic and learning it will make you God *sarcasm*)**.

I feel the world start spinning and I end up in front of a palace bigger than Magnolia. I have a good feeling about this.

7 Years Later **(these time skips though)**

I have mastered every form of Dragon Slaying Magic with the help of Igneel, Grandine, and Metalicana **(it's like the people who write these fics hate Natsu, Wendy, and Gajeel because they're dying for a glimpse of their respective dragons and Lucy has them at the tip of her fingertips)**.

"Okay, now that my training is over I'll go and see Fairy Tail again," I said.

"Okay," says my five thousand dragon mentors.

At Fairy Tail

A strange figure burst through the door and it's LUCY.

"Hello people," I shout.

"LUCY!"

"The guild hasn't been the same without you."

"We miss you even though we kicked you out."

"Wait! What is that bitch doing here? I run this place," yelled Lisanna **(so realistic)**.

"Roar of the Lucy Dragon," I shouted **(that's basically the dragon unless you have a better name for all types of Dragon Slaying magic in one)**. Everyone is surprised that they were defeated and by her magic.

"Whoa Lucy, you're so cooooooool".

"New role model".

"Lisanna, we're kicking you out". **(But no one ever has a comeback story for Lisanna to get stronger)**.

The End

 **Bold=My commentary**

Example Number 2: The God Complex

(Lucy's POV) **(why shouldn't the POV be hers, the entire universe is hers apparently)**

I woke up and sighed. What happened? Lisanna came back and my life has changed. Everyone ignores me and I mean EVERYONE. I guess I should go to the guild. I got dressed and left my apartment.

"Hey Mira, can I have a strawberry milkshake," I asked **(the most clichéd drink ever)**.

"Well, _can you._ Strawberry milkshakes go to my sister and her boyfriend not scum," Mira replied snobbishly.

"Her boyfriend," I asked puzzled.

"Yeah. Natsu's her boyfriend. Jealous whore".

I felt tears spring to my eyes. I saw Natsu walking up to me. Maybe Mira was just playing a sick joke on me, but then I saw her practically attached to Natsu. _Lisanna_.

"Listen up. You're pretty much useless so we're kicking you out of Team Natsu," said Natsu with a smile. **(Seriously, where in the anime was their team ever called 'Team Natsu')**.

"OK," I replied returning the smile. How could they do this to me? I'm their friend, or rather _was_ their friend. I ran to Master Makarov's office.

"I'm leaving the guild! Take this emblem off of me," I bellowed.

"Are you sure," asked Master worried.

"This guild crushed my dreams. I have no business here". **(It was Lucy's dream to join a guild, not Team Natsu. She wouldn't leave just like that)**.

"OK," said Master **(because Makarov was completely oblivious to Lucy being ignored and he's always in his office *sarcasm*)**.

I left and made my way to a strange forest.

" _It's time,"_ someone whispered. I suddenly got the chills. I saw a blinding light and was transported. I landed in a white sphere.

"Where am I," I groaned.

"The Center of the Universe," someone boomed. **(OK. I understand that your bad writing created an overpowered Lucy but don't insult the universe. You are not an astronomer and if you are, how is this anything like the center of the universe. You don't know and I don't know what the center of the universe looks like so shut the fuck up).**

I was completely shocked. And that voice, it sounded so familiar.

"MOM," I shouted.

"It's me," replied Layla.

"What are you doing here and how are you here".

"I'm a spirit and I once mastered the ancient magic of Marya Suep. This magic is passes through our bloodline and you will soon master it. It's the One Piec- I mean One Magic and totally invincible," said Layla. **(Layla was a spirit but didn't even speak to Lucy once in the seven years she was dead and if this magic is so invincible, then how come Layla died)**.

"OK".

"It's time to teach you our family Kekkei Genka- I mean our family magic," said Layla as she chuckled nervously.

77 Year Time-Skip

It's been so long and I've managed to stay looking like a seventeen year old along with my new friends (all girls) Cherry Blossom, Mandiesalopo, and Gerila. **(They may all be one-dimensional overpowered characters)**.

Welcome to the Swell Sue Sorority- I mean Swell Sue Guild.

We all traveled to Magnolia to pay a certain guild a visit. I'm coming for you Fairy Tail.

We marched into the guild and saw everyone so old and wrinkly.

"Lucy".

"How".

"You all said I was useless so I'm here with my guild, Swell Sue, to kick your old asses," I declared. "Attack".

I used my magic to bring Makarov, Mavis, Yury, Warrod, and Precht (Hades) to life **(even though he wasn't even introduced to the plot because of all these bullcrap events)**. I beat them up because I'm awesome.

"From now on you're all, slaves to the Swell Sue Guild and you Lisanna will be my personal pet".

"ALL HAIL MASTER LUCY OF THE UNIVERSE. ALL HAIL GOD," shouted all the Mages, Pirates, and Shinobi in the Universe.

The End

WHAT THE FUCK! This is basically all Evil Lisanna fics. Lucy rules everyone and everything and reading these are so frustrating that I end up giving up on them. I probably should have put a trigger warning before reading these Evil Lisanna parodies but it is so bloody AAAAHHHHHHGGGGGGGG. So bad that no words could describe them. These fics come from Lisanna being evil to Lucy being a pompous bitch. ARE WE WATCHING THE SAME ANIME? Lisanna is super kind and Lucy is super humble.

If I continue going on about all the hate Lisanna gets I might just punch someone.

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 **A/N:** I hope you enjoyed this. I'm a procrastinator so SORRY. Thanks for all the support and next up will be Natsu.


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